I am half Black and half South Asian. I was brought up by my South Asian side of the family with no access to my Black side. I had many feelings around this as a child but was unable to articulate them. Looking back now, I realise that I was completely isolated in my experience.
I was brought up in Sri Lanka. It is a small island and at the time, there were no other Black people I was aware of. There was no one else with an unruly mop of hair. No one to show me how to look after it properly. There was no one else who could truly understand what it felt like to be bullied in school for being Black. No one can show me how to deal with those feelings effectively.
As a child, my first instinct when wronged was not to question. Instead, I internalised it and believed I was the problem. These things weren’t happening to anyone else. Of course I was the problem. That experience was damning.
I am grateful as an adult to have the resources and the head on my shoulders to be able to articulate myself effectively. To be able to attempt to unlearn the toxic thought patterns I developed as a child. To be able to share my story in hopes that it helps someone feel a little less alone. I see you. Your feelings are valid. You are not alone.
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